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Friday, May 22, 2009
I've been thinking for the whole night. What does this family & home means to me? In the end, I feel that it's just a place for me to stay overnight like a homeless kid. This house is completely w/o any care & concern at all. I'm starting to hate staying at home as I felt that it's meaningless alr. Maybe I'm not mature enough to say all that but that's how I felt after all. Alot of problems happened this past 2 days. Firstly, Is the siblings that I have that cause me to have a emotional breakdown. They can just on the com, lamp & tv even thought it's alr midnight when I need to sleep so that I can be able to stay awake in class the next day. Nvm, I burst into tears as I really can't take it anymore. Can't they just put themselves inside my shoe? That I still having school tmr morning. What's more is that my sister can just scold badword at me when I just want to turn the fan to share. Don't she thinks that she's just being selfish for not sharing? Everyone will feel hot not only her. Seriously speaking, I've been wanting to move out of this house but I know I can't due to financial problem. How I wish I'm able to rent a house out there to stay alone w/o anymore quarrels. I seriously have enough! That's not the end of this yet. There're more to come. I pass all the subjects except for English & Chemistry which I've not taken back yet. So I doesn't know if I passed or failed. Chinese Paper 1: 38/70 Chinese Paper 2: 45/60 Emath: C5 Amath: C5 Geography: 38/50 Social Studies: 31/50 Physics: 41.5/50 English Oral: 30/40 I score well for my Chinese paper 2 when my Chinese Language is CMI. My Geography & SS always failed, this time I passed. Amath & Emath I don't know how to do but I still managed to pass. Physics even though I've careless mistakes but this is the best I can go. Yet, my mama is still not satisfied with my results. What's more does she wants me to get. I really don't know. I'm seriously satisfied with some of my results even though I studies the very last minute. I can't figure out what she still wants from me luhs. I really had enough of the stress & pressure that she've been giving me. Keep saying that I'm the only one left to be able to enter a Polytechnic. But did I say that I doesn't want to enter? I want to enter into a Polytechnic more than she wants me to. But did she consider of saying that to me is a pressure? I guess not ba, she just wants me to get high marks but firstly she must know where I stand. If I can't go any further, no matter how she push me, I won't be able to make it. Now it's my daddy turn. He didn't bank in money for me most of the time yet he still wants me to survive with it. I'm not a superwoman or wonderwomen who's capable of doing so. I did work & uncle did sponsor me 60 bucks every month for my daily allowance. I only can get about 120 buck every month it's not possible for me to survive with that for a month. He also keep pressuring me to score well to enter a Polytechnic but did they consider that I also have a goal for myself? Nvm, Nobody really do understand how I feel & think. Sometimes, I have to kind of feeling to just simply ending my life by jumping down the building, on the gas or just allow me to sleep w/o waking up anymore. It's after all, meaningless living in this world. I really can't think what the adults want from me. They have always been thinking that I'm not a problem to them. But are they aware that I need attention, care, concern & love from them? I guess not ba. even a simple parent meeting seesion, they also doesn't want to make a trip down to hear out what my teachers have to say about me. Is this call caring & concerning about me? Even if I've fall sick, they'll just simple ask me to visit the doctor myself but have they thought that I wanted their accompany too? Nvm, After all, everything is meaningless alr. Sorry for venting my anger here but I really can't take it anymore. Anyway, Thank for the peoples who've been trying to comfort me. I feel much more better after crying everything out. Girlf, I promised I won't do anything silly. |
 Kaiwen;♥ " She is someone who is always sleepy and maybe 24 hr/day will never be enough for her She is someone who is always hungry and maybe resembles some pigs in the farm She is someone who is always greedy and maybe you could get her some candies 
Girlfriend;♥ Jolene Ong Jiamin; She's a caring & kind girl. We know each other more then anything. Even though, we were once separated. But our friendship is so difficult to be separated after all. Whenever I need help, no matter what, she'll lend me a helping hand. Whenever I need a listening ear & a shoulder to cry on, she'll always be the first to be beside me. Small little things that we do together can make both of us smile for the whole day. We cry with each other, laugh with each other & joke with each other. That's why our friendship will last. Last of all, I Love Her (: 
Fiance;♥ Ang Hwee Jin; She's a easy-going girl. She always say yes to her friends who need help. She'd always help me with lots & lots of personal stuffs which I really thank her alot. Our friendship is hard to be separated as we're very close to each other. Her concern & care will make me feel much more better everytime I cried. She'll always be by my side to hear what are the things that are troubling me. That's why we're still sticking to each other until now. Last of all, I Love Her (: Alethea Amanda Amelia Angeline Aries Audrey Bernice Cassandra Charlene Connie Darren Dickson Elf Elly Flavia Francis Freda Grace.L Grace.T Hongming Hweejin Ivan Koh Jansen Jesley Jennifer Jiajie Jingteng Joan Joanne Jocelyn Joey.L Joey.N Jolene Josiah Karwong Marcus Mattew Nelson Nicholas Peiwen Phelia Punggol netball Randy Raudhah Serene Shalyn Shuhao Sofia Sylvia soo Thricia Weilin Wirul Yeekeat Yeesong Yibin Yuanqiu Yuting Zhaomin Ziyun Layout: Chili |
